Sunday, January 13, 2013

I Think It's Time To Tell You Something Personal

Do you watch funny videos of people falling off places or having awkward accidents? Do you laugh when these things happen even when you know it's not polite? If so, this one is for you.

I am very clumsy. There, I said it. Because dignity is overrated, right?

Image source

I knock off glasses, I walk into all kinds of things, and get hit by stuff, even when they are not in my way.  Seriously, the dining table in my house is near one wall and the refrigerator is on the opposite wall. There is plenty of space in the middle for me to walk into the kitchen - but I always manage to stub my toes on one of the chairs or the table itself when I walk by. I don't know why. 

One night, I walked into a dustbin. Not 'in' to it literally, but you know what I mean. It was at the train station and I was walking, not looking where I was going  - because for some unfathomable reason I couldn't take my eyes off the train. Another day, I was walking and looking at a cute dog and before I knew, I had walked face first into the back of a car. A parked one.

Recently, I walked into a table in my room, the corner went into my belly and it hurt like nobody's business. I immediately turned around and walked to the kitchen where a got a huge scratch on my elbow getting a glass out of the cupboard. Just last night, I got another scratch on my forearm getting a glass out of the same cupboard. Not five minutes later I scratched my elbow, same hand, getting a dish out of another cupboard. Now that I'm writing this, I think the kitchen cupboards have a grudge against me. 

Last year on my birthday, my darling husband, his nephew, and our friend egged me. And then they threw flour at me. So I did it back to them and when all ended, the whole living room was covered in eggs, flour, and coca cola. Appealing picture in your mind right now, huh? While cleaning up, I fell on my nearly perfect behind into the total mess. 

The times I have knocked over glasses of water and juice are countless. I have burned the same spot on my hand twice, doing the same thing. I'm serious. The first one healed and there was a scar. It got bigger with the second time. There is this sliding sorta latch on my bathroom door and I have had my finger stuck in it more than I care to admit.

Worst of all, I am always elbowing Nafew. All the time. 

And I'm sure I have forgotten to mention a lot of other things I have done or has happened to me because there's just too many.

For a long time, I thought it was not me. I just thought things were in my way. But now, I have made my peace with the fact that it's all me. These accidents don't even surprise me anymore. In fact. I kind of expect them now.I find random black and blue spots on my body all the time and I have no memory of anything happening, but I know something did. I see a staircase and a picture of me tripping forms in my mind automatically. Because it's me.

Are you clumsy? Or do you know someone who is as clumsy as me?